Wedding woes!!

Things can go wrong, really wrong on wedding day!

I went into town center on Saturday morning, three hours before my wedding ceremony was scheduled to start. I parked my Datsun sports car in an illegal spot because I could not find a parking and I was in a hurry. I came out of the shop ten minutes later and found a Police Officer waiting for me. I had no time to think; I went and started explaining that I was the Bridegroom looking for a bow-tie and I was getting desperate because I did not find what I was looking for.

Ignoring my pleas he motioned for me to follow him to the Police station nearly 1 kilometer down town. I continued to plead with him that I was running out of time and must go to the wedding. A senior police officer – not in uniform - appeared 'out of nowhere'. He came over to where the younger officer was trying to take my car key out of my hands, asked the younger man what was going on.

The older officer pulled the younger to the side; the younger man came back and let me go. I was so shaken by the incident; but, as I learnt later things can go wrong on wedding day.

A few years later, I was the Best-man at a big brother’s wedding. On wedding day, WE, the men, were ready, as customary in Zambia those days, the men proceeded to the church to wait for the bride. The time was 11 a.m.

A small crowd was already there at the church to witness the occasion. Four of us, including the Bridegroom took our position on the front pew of the church. Excitement was all over our faces: big smiles, confident walk, proud glares, and polished suits. We looked handsome, all of us, especially the groom in his Irish navy blue tinged suit.

We stood up, sat down, listened, stood up again, listened some more and the Bride was not arriving; neither was there any sign of the bridal party. The time was coming closer to 2:30 pm (14h00). At 3:30 (15h00) the Bridal party was nowhere to be seen.

The number of people waiting since 10 a.m. was dwindling. First, those who came with children left, then the students from colleges, then remained the elderly and relatives who traveled many miles to be at the wedding. The fun was quickly disappearing, sucked out of the occasion by the long wait and lack of information as what was actually going on behind-the-scenes.

The strange thing about weddings is that outsiders can only speculate. The real battles are fought, won, and lost behind the closed bedroom doors.

It was my duty as the closest to the Bridegroom to keep my team’s morale and not to give up or show signs of stress. I took my job very serious. Taking my handkerchief out I started to clean up the men’s shoes, telling them, “Keep your shoes clean; we are in for some waiting today! She will come.” I could tell at least one of the men did not believe me.

The groom was upbeat, saying, “I will be here if we have to wait till midnight.” That was the kind of resoluteness we needed. Deep in my heart I probably did not believe myself; there was no time for doubting. So, we waited.

And, still, at quarter to four, (15h45) the Bride was not there. Finally, at 4 pm (16h00) there was a wave of excitement at the sound of motor engines and sounds of car horns. The rest, as they say, is history!

The wedding of a friend in Chikankata will be remembered too. On the eve of the wedding my wife received an urgent message saying the bride had changed her mind. The groom’s family was in a frenzy as the matron of honor panicked what to do next.

“The cake is ready, the flower girls, and everybody is geared up for tomorrow. For heaven’s sake it is 9 pm (21h00)!” She said in despair.

Chikankata was a small community. On occasions like this there was a mass of visitors from Lusaka and all over the country wherever friends and family lived. The Mission had two main sections; the secondary school and the hospital. In between these two large sections was the studio and next to it the school hall where most of the weddings took place. The hall was decorated already.

A handful of people was aware of the crisis unfolding while the majority knew nothing and the excitement kept rising of the wedding taking place the next day.

My wife told me later as to what happened.  The crisis started at 8 pm (20h00). The Bride simply changed her mind. She refused to speak to her best friend and she shut down on the matron of honor. No one could speak to her. No one could get through the wall she put around herself.

The groom was called in but she refused to talk to him no matter how hard he pleaded with her. She simply did not respond. Her only words were, “I don’t want; it is over.” She sat alone in a room filled with the wedding paraphernalia, a very beautiful woman and fully mature to wed.

My wife, a social worker with a spiritual gift for counseling knew the girl well enough although she was not the most obvious person the immediate family would have thought of calling to try and resolve the matter.

Remember the story of the prophet in the Old Testament who came to a woman that just lost a son? He closed the door on himself and the little boy and brought the little boy to life. So it was, nearly an hour after entering the bride’s room and closing the door upon herself and the bride, my wife emerged with the revived bride.

I have tried to get to the bottom of the story to find out what happened, I get the same words, “Sometimes it happens that the Bride changes her mind. She talked to me and changed her mind.”

When she finally emerged the time was coming closer to midnight; to say the entire bridal party was excited is by far an understatement. 

Finally, let me talk about one of my kid brother’s wedding day; also at Chikankata. It takes dozens of people working tirelessly many weeks to bring the two sides together in a village wedding. So it was that after many days and nights the wedding day finally arrived.

Early that Saturday morning, the groom happened to take a walk towards the same house where the bride was housed. Normally, the two should not have seen each other until they met at the altar. This was the wedding day! The bride is prepared, dressed up to be presented to the groom in her full glory!

The young man saw the strange looking familiar face – the bride! He was surprised to see her hair style. He looked at the bride one more time and decided it was time to speak his mind out. “I hate the hair style; I cannot marry a girl who has such a strange looking hairstyle. Where is the girl I want to marry?”

The next few hours leading up to the church service was tense throughout the village as everyone learned that my kid brother was calling off the wedding as he would not marry a woman with a strange hair make-up. He would only marry the girl with a traditional “normal” hair style.

Once again, the skill and courage of my wife – the Social Worker paid off. Taking the young man aside the two argued and debated for hours until the groom understood his duty to take care of the bride regardless and also telling him whatever else that I will never know.

Imagine what a boring life this would be if all weddings went as scheduled without any hassles and challenges! What would life be if we did not have Social Workers gifted in what they do? And what would life be without women who change their minds on the night, the eve of the wedding!